Review: Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol

Firstly - why am I reading Dan Brown? It's like eating fast food and then complaining about it. You know it's not good for you, but it tastes good, and we are all going to die anyway!
I think I read Dan Brown because he is a bad writer and I feel superior in comparison. I mean, if he can be a best-selling author, then so could I - if I got off my ass and researched for hours on Wikipedia and then got down to rehashing it all and then finding a publisher to correct my grammar and spelling. And ofcourse, shorten my sentences.
Infact I even have the formula for a Dan Brown thriller. Here it is:

Take one of each:
- Stock hero aka Robert Langdon
- Mickey Mouse watch
-Generic attractive brunette who also happens to be an expert in whatever field the book is about.
- Stock villain whose madness/obsessiveness is established from page 1.
- Other random characters, one of which will be the actual villain.
- An obscure cult/secret society/popular religion/relatively unknown scientific field.
- A conspiracy theory
- Some famous landmarks/paintings/books - invested with hidden messages guaranteed to never make you look at it the same way again, thereby ruining your appreciation of art and architecture by turning it into graffiti.

1) Mash together finely, peppering with a heavy dose of crap and incredulity.
2) Divide equally into small chapter sized portions.
3) Add a cliffhanger to the end of each of these portions (EACH bloody chapter, I tell you...aargh!)
4) Randomly italicize a few phrases.
5) Add a few car chases.
AND you are done.

I have read all his books. That's how self-indulgent I am. But, in my defence, I bought just The Da Vinci Code and downloaded the rest. Even the latest one. So I might be intellectually killing myself here, but atleast I am not getting poorer doing it.

Well, on to the review then:
Robert Langdon + Mickey Mouse watch + Noetic Scientist + a tattooed villain + Korean CIA midget + the Freemasons + chopped off hand +Washington DC = BLURGH!